How do you treat people? Where do you fall within the Spectrum of Attitudes?

In the late 1980’s, Bill Lofquist, well known for his work in the prevention field, developed the Spectrum of Attitudes in relation to youth development.  He theorized that adults could treat youth in three ways.

  1. Object – young people have nothing (or little) to contribute.
  2. Recipient – young people need to be guided through their participation in society.
  3. Resource – the contributions of young people are vital, welcomed and valued.

The CCAR Recovery Coach Academy© applies this concept for recovery coaches working with people in early recovery.  This is foundational to our craft. The more we treat recoverees as resources the more effective we will be.

Let me illustrate. In the spirit of vulnerability I will reveal my personal pathway of recovery. When I’m training I make these statements and take a step sideways with each declaration.

  1. Abstinence is the foundation on which I have built my recovery.
  2. I believe in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
  3. I believe in attending recovery meetings (I’d like to go more often than I do).
  4. I seek my Higher Power every day.
  5. My Higher Power is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Then I ask a question.

“As a recovery coach, if I insisted every recoveree follow this precise path, how effective would I be?”

Not very. It might work for a subset of the population. What the success rate would be is up for debate. Plus, if I insisted that people I coached follow this path then how am I treating them?

Like an object.

It means I believe I know best and the recoveree has nothing (or very little) to contribute. Do as I say. Period. It means that I am not open to multiple pathways of recovery (a topic for another blog). It means my thinking and my perspective has become myopic.

People are treated like objects all the time, aren’t they?

I ask people when and where have you been treated like an object? They respond.

“In schools. In doctor’s offices. In prisons. In treatment programs. At church.  At work. At home.”

How did it feel? Most people express that being treated like an object does not feel good.

“Controlled. Devalued. Powerless. No choice. Degraded. Abused. Voiceless. Stupid.”

Recovery coaches slip into treating recoverees like objects when they…

  • Insist a recoveree remain abstinent.
  • Do not believe the idea “you are in recovery when you say you are”.
  • Can not support multiple pathways of recovery.
  • Talk too much about their personal recovery process.
  • Talk too much.
  • Tell recoverees what recovery support they should attend.
  • Anytime the word “should” spills out.
  • Judge recoverees when it comes to lifestyle choices.

There are many other examples, but hopefully you get the idea. On the other end of the continuum, we know what it’s like to be treated like resources.  It’s quite empowering, isn’t it? As a recovery coach I believe the recoveree is the best resource on his or her recovery. That is not a popular position, especially within systems of medical and addiction treatment.

I practice this perspective through a few simple skills. I am curious. I listen. I ask good questions. I manage my stuff. I am simply, yet profoundly, present. Often recovery coaches relay to me that our one “go to” question inspires people to pursue recovery. This one question can flip people from feeling discouraged (an object) to hopeful of recovery (resource). What is that question?

“How can I help you with your recovery today?”

Phil “Right Click” Valentine
Recovery established 12.28.87

In 2015, I finished a thruhike of the entire Appalachian Trail, a trek of 2,189.2 miles. It took 189 days and 6 pairs of boots. During all that time alone with my Creator, my purpose in life became more precisely defined. I am, simply, to coach recovery. Recovery saved me from an early demise and brought purpose to my tattered life. I have learned that I’m a coach to my very core. I am blessed to put the two together. I started work at the Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR) in 1999. I became the Executive Director of this recovery community organization in 2004. I have trained the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy© dozens of times and have a hand in modifying, improving and adapting various recovery coach curricula. I’m old enough now to start considering my legacy. This is a way for me to share things I have learned in my recovery, in my role as Executive Director and a trainer. I find that when I speak I present the same messages over and over.  It’s time to write them down.

Phil "Right Click" Valentine

Phil "Right Click" Valentine

In 2015, I finished a thruhike of the entire Appalachian Trail, a trek of 2,189.2 miles. It took 189 days and 6 pairs of boots. During that sacred time, my purpose in life became more precisely defined. I am, simply, to coach recovery. Recovery saved me from an early demise and brought purpose to my tattered life. I have learned that I’m a coach to my very core. I am blessed to put the two together. I started work at the Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR) in January 1999. I became the Executive Director of this recovery community organization in 2004. I have trained the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy© dozens of times and have a hand in modifying, improving and adapting various recovery coach curricula. I’m old enough now to start considering my legacy. This is one way for me to share lessons learned in my recovery, in my role as Executive Director and a trainer. When I engage with others, I present the same messages repeatedly. It’s time to write them down.

8 Comments

  • R. Valentine says:

    You can never know how proud I am of you and what you have accomplished.
    Love you,
    Dad

  • Juan Figueroa says:

    I Love your insight into what a Recovery Coach “should” Be! lol
    You Are an inspiration to us all. Thank You For Your Time, Patience & Service! God Bless You, Your Family & All Of Your Endeavors!!!!

  • Joanne McMurray says:

    Thanks Phil, I enjoy reading your posts. I think your wisdom is very useful. Looking forward to the next.

  • Joanne McMurray says:

    Hi Phil, I always read your posts. Your wisdom is a great tool.
    Look forward to the next one. Thanks

  • Carol O'Hare says:

    Phil – I truly enjoy reading these posts of yours! Of everything I learned in the Recovery Coach Academy, this is the one I am certain I use the most. This isn’t just about coaching, it is important in ANY relationship, and I remind myself often that everyone responds better when treated as a RESOURCE! Of course, I don’t always get it right the first time, but I try to self-correct sooner each time!

    Thanks for all you do (and say!),
    Carol O’Hare
    Nevada Council on Problem Gambling

  • Ewoud says:

    Thanks so much, Pech!

  • Thank you for sharing your time, experience, strength and hope with me and us. Thankfully through Cathy Plush and Springs Recovery Connection I have been introduced to you and your organization. Now for the first time in my life a purpose beyond motherhood and slaving to the grind has been revealed to me, thank you for helping me feel pertinent.

  • Dawn Smyth says:

    I remember the first day I walked through the doors of the Bridgeport branch of CCAR. I came with my IOP group. The first question I was asked by this beautiful young lady was “How can I help you with your recovery today?” She then walked from around the reception desk and gave me a hug. I will never forget that day!! I sat in a seat and listened with an open mind about the services that CCAR had to offer. Then Michael Askew told, what I call, his “Testimony” what CCAR had afforded him. I have been here ever since!!

    I am forever grateful for the services of CCAR! I have been a Volunteer, attended the Recovery Coach Academy, gained several certifications from many other seminars, attended CCARS Legislative Day in Hartford, and had the opportunity to attend a meeting in Norwalk with many to discuss the Opioid epidemic in the State of Connecticut.

Leave a Reply to Joanne McMurray Cancel Reply